The Radical’s Blog: Like, OMG—Totally Shocking Headlines

Coming out of the closet to declare myself as a “Radical” freed me up to think clearly and not be weighed down by the idiocy that seems to have infected way too many people. Reading recent headlines, I kept facepalming myself until I nearly passed out. Their awe-inspiring headlines and literary masterpieces of prose guided me to wisdom and enlightenment in exactly the way that reading instructions on unclogging my shower drain doesn’t. Here are a few examples with Radical commentary. I could probably do one of these a month.

Rutgers officials decry merger plan / Rowan officials cite it as the second coming

Well douse me in gasoline and offer me a lit cigarette. You mean someone who is going to lose their job and the perks of it is against the plan and someone who will gain power and prestige will support it? No kidding! It doesn’t take Captain Obvious to understand this one. Most people are not going to refuse that pay raise or ask to be demoted. What would have been worth press coverage had been if the article read “Rutgers and Rowan meet to discuss concerns and work out a solution.” But who covers when people agree anymore?

Democrats oppose Christie’s plan to <insert blank>

This seems to be the weekly story so I’ll write this without respect to any specific idea. Shocking that elected officials would oppose ideas from the other party. Maybe if they did something about the problems he is trying to fix they might have a leg to stand on. They had a Democrat Governor for four years and failed to make reforms. Be happy you have a Republican governor who will do your job for you that you can use for cover. Considering a GT official told me they are blocking pay to play so I personally do not get a political victory, are you really surprised? When have state officials really cared about the best interest of the state?

Christie calls a Democrat an <insert blank>

Given his strong personality and how our state has been run, can you blame him? Most of the time he is right when yelling at them. They need a smack in the face and being called a numb nuts going too easy.

After Paterno firing, college kids riot

Most of the PARENTS of children enrolled at Penn State have only known a world with JoePa at the helm of the football team. To have the board of trustees fire him like that—when they have been secretly trying to do damage control over Sandusky for months—is a large kick in the stomach. Add that to the powder keg that are the emotions of the students who are trying to deal with a pedophile on campus enabled by the administration and hello!!! That’s what 20-year-old kids with alcohol do. College kids are smart enough to sniff out reporters just looking for something juicy to broadcast for more ratings. Focus on cleaning up the town and helping the students and alumni heal.

Power brokers to purchase Philly media

Gee golly, Clem, the people are learning about what we are doing behind closed doors? What are we going to do about it? Oh we will just buy where they get their information then control what they print. That will keep the locals in line and keep the contracts to our shell companies coming. The only people who will gain from this purchase are the editors of Patch when people migrate to true unbiased local reporting.

Anarchists upset about lack of police protection

Seriously? I work right next door to where Occupy Philly stood and passed the tents daily. I find it amazing that people who want less police are upset when the criminals, druggies and vagrants move into their little camp and cause chaos. Next time you protest something, be prepared for the consequences of what you ask for, cupcake.

NFL Alumni suing over concussions, citing dangerous work

Football is *dangerous*? Really? No kidding. So is ditch digging and coal mining. Be happy you earned your millions and got to live a lifestyle most of us will never see in our lifetimes. Next you are going to tell me Hollywood stars are upset about photographers. Gee they earn their salaries by staying in the news. Don’t insult my intelligence by telling me you thought you were trying out for the chess club. It is called a contact sport for a reason.

Congress passes law against insider trading

Dude, seriously? The people who make our laws need a law to tell them right from wrong? How could they have been exempt from insider trading laws in the first place? No wonder Rob Andrews feels he can use his campaign funds to see his daughter record songs and travel overseas.

Council President hasn’t thought about the Pay to Play petitions

Of course I am going to comment on an article about me. If there is anything out there larger than my ego I want it shot and stuffed on my wall. Gee…I have been keeping reform in front of them since April.  I told them in October we had concluded collecting signatures. I told them after the election we had enough to submit. In December I told them we were waiting until the New Year to avoid making the Clerk work the holidays. In January I told them the clerk asked me again to delay submitting because she was very busy with dog licenses and we would submit in February. The week before we submitted the petitions, I blasted our intentions on the Facebook and Patch had the article.

So do you think he really has not thought about it? We are on the cusp of taking away nearly three hundred thousand dollars from his personal election fund every election cycle and he has not thought about it given the ample warning? Are you kidding me? He is either a very bad liar or his party is not as good as they think they are. When the local Wawa overcharges me for my morning coffee I “think about it.” I guess I am giving them too much credit because if someone had been publicly working for nearly a year to take away nearly three hundred thousand dollars from me, I’d have thought about it once or twice. Just sayin’.