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Health & Fitness

Government Regulators Gone Wild!

The National Transportation Safety Board is "asking" all states to prohibit the use of cell phones and other electronic devices while driving … including hands-free devices.

Newsflash (in case you haven’t heard by now): The National Transportation Safety Board is "asking" all states to prohibit the use of cell phones and other electronic devices while driving … including hands-free devices. (Don’t police officers use those laptops I see in their vehicles while driving? Naughty, naughty, naughty …)

So, in my mind’s eye I picture Jack (name has been changed to protect the guilty) driving down the road and getting pulled over by a NJ State Trooper. As the officer approaches the vehicle, Jack rolls down the window.

Officer: Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?

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Jack: No, officer.

Officer: Don’t lie to me, sir.

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Jack: Okay, I guess 60 mph in a 25 mph zone was a tad bit excessive.

Officer: No, that’s not why I pulled you over.

Jack: Well, officer, was it that red light I blew through about a mile back?

Officer: No, sir, that’s not why I pulled you over.

Jack: OK, you ran my plates and found out I don’t have any auto insurance and my registration is expired.

Officer: No, that’s not why I pulled you over.

Jack: Well, I’m not wearing any seat belt.

Officer: Sir, let’s stop playing games. I think you are well aware of what you were doing that caused me to pull you over.

Jack: Well, truthfully, officer, I really don’t know why you pulled me over.

Officer: Sir, you were talking on your hands-free cell phone; license and registration.

Jack: I’m sorry, officer, but I don’t even own a cell phone.

Officer: Sir, I’m warning you, don’t lie to me. I observed you talking while driving so I have no other option but to pull you over for using a hands-free cell phone while operating a motor vehicle.

Jack: Officer, I’m extremely embarrassed to admit this but I have a little problem with schizophrenia and when I neglect to take my medication I begin to talk to myself.

Officer: Outta the car, longhair!

Wait, didn’t the fed try to ban all sales of alcohol at one time?

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