The Radical's Blog: Fresh Wawa Cup

Some night when I have had too much to drink and can’t find a really bad B-movie on cable, I’ll tell my tale of how Miss Radical calibrated my ears to enjoy country music. That story is not critical to understanding this blog, but it might help to enlighten you on how someone who could listen to the 40-minute live version of Stairway to Heaven can write the rest of this blog post. And it goes to show that even during a dog fight with our solicitor who, in my opinion, does not know the law, I can still keep a sense of humor.

I have been doing a lot of traveling to the West Coast and have made a number of gruesome discoveries. Besides them putting guacamole on anything not bolted down, they have an addiction to Starbucks. When I joked about the guacamole flavor of coffee, they didn’t get the joke and sincerely asked when it would go live. Disgusted, I walked to the next block and found another one. That chain has taken over. It is what they serve in the hotels. Some shopping centers have two, even three of them. You read me right. For a culture that prides itself on staying fit by walking everywhere there is a business case for multiple Starbucks in the same shopping centers. I have never grown to appreciate my local Wawa as much as I have when I am not home.

They say absence might make the heart grow finder, but it also drives de-caffeinated men to do bold and stupid acts of devotion. Like sit by the hotel’s pool on a beautiful day and pen his homage to all things Wawa based on the groundbreaking song made famous by Toby Keith, "Red Solo Cup." As I wrote the passage below, I felt dirty and shameful for cheating on my beloved Wawa having a hot Starbucks in my hand, but to a starving man, a saltine will taste like a 10-course Thanksgiving meal.

Fresh Wawa Cup, adapted by Radical blogger Joshua Berry

Now a fresh Wawa cup makes me a dreamer
Of hot coffee, Splenda and of course the creamer
And you, sir, are an overpaying skeezer
If you prefer drinking Starbucks

A fresh Wawa cup is cheap and drinkable
After an hour, the aroma’s irresistible
And unlike my town, it is not corruptible
Piccolo kiss my ass. Woo!

Fresh Wawa cup, I fill you up
Let's drink some coffee, let's drink some coffee
I love you fresh Wawa cup, I drink you up
I’m drinking coffee, I’m drinking coffee

Now I really love how you're smooth to drink
But I really hate how you cool at the ‘rink
Cuz when coffee has to be poured down the sink
Well that my friends is quite a waste

But I have to admit that I am quite smitten
Admiring how tasty the creamer is witttin’
Cause my new clothes aren’t quite fittin’
on me, which is really -- sucky.

Fresh Wawa cup, I fill you up
Let's drink some coffee, let's drink some coffee
I love you fresh Wawa cup, I drink you up
I’m drinking coffee, I’m drinking coffee

Now I've had you in hazel and I've had you in plain
But only French vanilla will keep this man sane
Cuz you are the fix to my morning pain
And you are the bounce in my step

Fresh Wawa cup, you're the start to my day
You're more than amazing, you keep me okay
And believe me that I will be glad to pay
as I leave the store and say:

"Fresh Wawa cup, you're not just coffee. (No, no, God no!)
You're my, you're my (friend?) friend. (life long!)
Thank you for being my friend."

Fresh Wawa cup, I drink you up
Let's drink some coffee, let's drink some coffee
I love you fresh Wawa cup, I drink you up
I’m drinking coffee, I’m drinking coffee

Fresh Wawa cup, I drink you up
Let's drink some coffee, let's drink some coffee
I love you fresh Wawa cup, I drink you up
I’m drinking coffee, I’m drinking coffee

Fresh Wawa cup! Wawa cup!