The Radical’s Blog: Sizing Up the Contenders

Just for fun, here are my thoughts on some of the contestants for “Presidential Idol” so far. The Radical takes aim at the contestants in this season's beauty contest. This poll is entirely unscientific as there is only person interviewed, and I did not have to pass around a petition to force myself to give up the government job I was never promised for this opinion.

Herman: I was originally intrigued by his candidacy. As a conservative black man of his age, I had hoped he would bring a unique perspective to the debate the other candidates would not have. But apparently he forgot to vet himself before deciding to make a run—as if his former employees (and their media whore attorneys) would forget him.

Mitt: Does anyone think he reminds you of what Dirk Bennedict's character “Face” from The A-Team would be if the show was not cancelled and he ran for office? If the bartender from Love Boat can be a congressman, it’s not that far-fetched of a thought. When I see Mitt speak, I can’t avoid thinking that he is the “conservative” answer to President Obama: Talks a good game but you can’t avoid that feeling that when he gets in office, he’ll hand over the controls to the party hacks and be relegated to the campaigner-in-chief blaming the previous presidents for everything. A hair-gelled empty suit who is a national version of Lou Greenwald. No wonder the establishment is tripping over themselves to get in bed with him.

Michelle: Who cannot support an attractive woman with guns? Talk about playing to the Republican base! Unfortunately she is a few rounds short of a full ammo clip and thankfully emptied her magazine before anyone voted. Think Sarah Palin but without the cute accent and daily dose of Dan Quayle inspired one-liners.

Newt: The Steve Lonegan of national politics. Some of his ideas are pretty good and might work, but I can’t stand more than 30 seconds of him before wanting to throw myself through the nearest window. Way too self-important and way too out of touch on any social issue. Mental note: Be on the lookout for Newt pictures at the next Council meeting I attend.

Rick: See Newt.

Ron: He might be the only adult at that rodeo. He has been calling for fiscal and foreign-affairs sanity for over 20 years. He knows what he is saying and will back it up with facts. He will probably get my vote because he’ll be shot before the general election anyway. He has only one problem that I can’t get past: his fanboys. Ever see the people dressed in head to toe Rongear? They sleep in Ron Paul underoos and bombard my mailbox with every poll where he does not come in last. If birds of a feather flock together, what does this say about Ron? There is only one group more annoying than the followers of the Paul Revolution: Christie Fanboys.

Mental note: Time to replace my signed Chris Christie bed sheets. They are starting to creep out my girlfriend. For the haters, the only reason why my idol is not completely in bed with Mitt is because both of them won’t fit on the same mattress :-P.

To summarize this blog: either America’s “best and brightest” aren’t really “best” or even “bright,” or anyone actually qualified enough to be president had way too fun of a life prior to political office to let the media anywhere near their Facebook page—the one with new timeline format that no one asked for but is forced to accept anyway. When did being a Facebook product manager become a training ground for red-light camera marketing anyway?